Editor’s note: Earlier this year, we chatted with Frank of Ask Frank fame. This witty and wise French Bulldog dispenses advice over the Internet, on his blog, and in adorable videos. We were thrilled when Frank agreed to become a regular Dogster contributor. Look for his column every Friday on Dogster.
1. Bone collection compromise
Dear Frank: I like bones — big bones, little bones, rare bones, weirdly shaped bones… you get the idea. Over the years, I’ve amassed quite the collection, and I like to display them in the middle of the living room. My human disagrees. He says bones go in the toy basket and he’s tired of tripping over them. Can you help us find a middle ground?
Bone Collector in Baltimore
Dear Bone: I, too, am a connoisseur of bones, so I understand the desire to show off your collection. While I agree that the middle of the living room is probably the best location for your display, you should understand that might not work for your human. (Humans are clumsy.)
So, here are my suggestions for a bone collection compromise:
- Stack your bones around the edge of the living room. It will be like an art show, and people can walk around and admire them. (Remember to add a note that they are not for sale.)
- Display them on the coffee table. Still in the middle of the room, but off the floor for your human.
- Ask your human for a display case.
2. Computer virus
Dear Frank: Has your computer ever had a virus?
Sick in Seymour
Play the video to see Frank’s answer.
3. Winner gets the dead bug
Dear Frank: Can you settle a debate between me and my brother Knuckles (he is the ugly one in the picture)? We’ve created a game of trying to develop the most annoying personal habit we can think of. I insist on licking my dad for at least 30 to 40 minutes every night, right as he starts to fall asleep, and Knuckles sits with his head in the corner and whines for no reason, sometimes for upwards of an hour, it’s pretty funny. Please tell us who you think won (winner gets to eat the dead bug under the recliner we have been saving).
Brownie and Knuckles in Oregon
Dear B&K: Hmmm, this is a close one. Both tactics span a similar time length and do a good job of focusing on one specific annoyance. The tie breaker for me was that your human can stop Brownie from licking without much effort, but your human must get out of bed and potentially turn on the light to look around for what Knuckles is whining about — which is much more annoying. Knuckles the dead bug is yours! Congrats.