Jeffrey Welch's Blog: DUI Bonehead Flees From Police, Says His Dog Was Behind the Wheel

On Oct. 8, Reliford Cooper III, 26, was in a no-good, very bad place: Behind the wheel of a car, speeding through Florida, with deputies on his tail. He was drunk — as the resulting arrest would show. He was also high — as the stench of marijuana that followed him to the police station would show.

He also did not have a dog. And that dog was not driving the car.

That last bit may seem self-evident, given as how we only know of like three dogs who can actually drive, and the likelihood of one of those fleeing police in Florida with a drunk and stoned Reliford riding shotgun are slim indeed.

Not Reliford Cooper III’s dog fleeing police, that’s for sure.

But we feel we have to point it out, because Reliford claimed otherwise, once police caught up with him. He said his dog was driving the car. Not him. His dog. His dog hit the gas when the cops spotted him speeding, and all hell broke loose — nothing he could really do about it, officer, being in the passenger seat and all.

Before we get to Reliford’s impressive statement, given while the cuffs were being affixed, let’s fill out his sad tale. Here’s how it really went down, according to the police report. Deputies noticed a car speeding, which is something that happens when people drink and drive. They flicked their lights. The car, piloted by Reliford, then ran a stop sign, drove through two ditches, and crashed into a house.

Dammit, Reliford.

He then bolted from the car, ran behind some houses, and finally into a nearby Pentecostal church, where he holed up in the bathroom.

A church, Reliford?

Reliford Cooper III’s mug shot.

Parishioners then flushed him from the building and right to the police out front, who had been alerted by the pastor. As the cuffs were going on, a drunk and stoned Reliford started babling.

“I wasn’t driving that car,” he told police. “My dog was driving that car, I ran cause I wanted to. You ain’t gonna find no drugs or guns on me.”

Yep, he threw his dog under the bus. His dog who was not even in the car. While it remains to be seen if he even has a dog, his knee-jerk reaction to pin his crime on a dog does not endear him to the dog-loving community whatsoever. What else has the convicted felon tried to pin on dogs? I didn’t rob that bank, my dog did!

Heartless.

Anyway, after Reliford fingered the dog, he started throwing up.

“He began throwing up a light brown/yellow liquid while being searched,” reads the police report.

Reliford remains locked up.