Are These Pet Sitter Instructions Too Much?

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Your bags are packed, and the pet sitter is on the way when you decide the four-page Word document you’ve laminated for your canine caregiver left out some key details. A few Post-its later, you feel confident that you’ve covered everything — but perhaps crossed the line from concerned to crazy. Do these sticky note notations sound familiar?

1. A word (or a dozen) on water

A Post-It stuck to the water bowl says, “Filtered water only. Brita in fridge.” A note in the fridge instructs the sitter on how to use said Brita pitcher. What the writer doesn’t know is that as these notes were being written, the dog was helping himself to an open-lidded toilet.

2. Farm to floor dining

One fridge shelf down from the best practices for water bowl filling, another note is stuck to one of several Tupperware containers. It reads: “Prepped the pupper’s dinners for three days. Brown rice, free-range duck, organic carrots. I also got frozen pizzas for you!”

3. Treat traditions

Dog with treat by iStock

Four Mason jars sit on the kitchen counter. A sticky note on the first says, “Salmon treats for when the doorbell rings.” The note on the second reads, “Chicken: not before noon.” A third note suggests taking a pocketful of turkey jerky on walks, and the fourth is labeled, “Special cookies only to be given if he doesn’t bark when neighbor’s Pug walks by.”

4. Bedtime routine

A note on the bedroom door: “I’ve changed the sheets. When you want to go to bed, just brush his teeth, yawn in his face, start turning out lights and sing Lullaby and Goodnight. He should follow you right in here.”

5. Co-sleeping

Beyond the bedroom door, another Post-it lies on the freshly laundered bed. It reads: “He’ll sleep on the dog bed … unless there’s a thunderstorm, a loud passing car or he has a nightmare. In those scenarios he’ll need to sleep with you. P.S. He might spoon you.”

6. Screen time

A note on the television reads, “If you go out, please turn on TV for him. He likes Bob Ross on Netflix or Animal Planet on cable. Please do not watch The Walking Dead in his presence as it gives him nightmares.”

7. Leash laws

Two leashes hang by the door. One blue, one green. A sticky note says the blue one is for walks, the green one is to lead him to the car. “Do not touch the green one unless you want to actually go for a car ride. Trust me on this,” it reads.

8. The friend zone

Dogs greeting by Shutterstock

Next to the leashes is a hand-drawn map of the neighborhood indicating the dog’s preferred routes. “You must take 5th Street in the morning (so he can say hi to his friend, Pete the Bulldog) and 9th Avenue in the evening (because that’s when his Poodle girlfriend is in her yard).”

9. List of enemies

Beside the map is another little square of paper. This one warns: “Do not under any circumstances turn left after Pete’s house because there is a Pug down that way (you know how he feels about them) and a mean Chihuahua on 6th Street.”

10. Skype schedule

A note left on a laptop gives instructions for logging into a Skype account. “We can video chat at 8 o’clock every morning and again at 8 p.m. to see how his day was.”

11. Thank you, thank you, thank you

The last note is semi self-aware. “I’m sorry if all these notes seem crazy — I’m just crazy about my dog. Also, please see the below diagram of how his poops should look.”

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